So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
