I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
