Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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