the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
