Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
...so i touched it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
