Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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