What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
