he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
