Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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