I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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