i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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