low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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