No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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