What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
