either way he was missing a nipple.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
