Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
