I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
