The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Found the puke drawer
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
