That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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