I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
