Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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