I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
