So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He passed out mid-signature
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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