Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
