now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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