I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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