census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I intend to get homeless drunk
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
