so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
