It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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