hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
