How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
