I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
