Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bring me that man meat
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
