I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
