Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
