if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
