Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
