you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
