Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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