so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize