2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
