So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
