Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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