I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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