I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
