I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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