And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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