I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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