just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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