My first STD was from a foam party
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I would fuck him just for his dog
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
