A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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