wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
