so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
