Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
