if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
