ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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