no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
