I am spending my child support on dildos
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm too high and old for this...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
