I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
