We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
