Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
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I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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