how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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