and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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