All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
